The Gods Be Willing
by TheSilverSleeper
Summary: Merlin is gone. Arthur is willing to do anything, ANYTHING to get him back. If only he knew what it was Merlin wanted. Sequel to The Gods Be Hanged


**A/N: After a myriad requests, I have finally written a sequel to _The Gods Be Hanged. _I hope it satisfies those who wanted to see more!**

* * *

"_He's upset. Give him a few days. He'll calm down."_

Gaius never said "And then he'll be back," but Arthur had clung to the unspoken assurance. He clung to it for three months, but Merlin never returned.

He was alive. If nothing else, at least Arthur knew that. The information had been begged wheedled out of Gaius after news came of a village that had been burnt to the ground by raiders. Arthur had had a minor meltdown imagining that Merlin was amoung the casualties. The physician would say nothing else about him, but he did confirm Merlin wasn't there.

Arthur wasn't worried about Merlin's ability to defend himself, at least. Even without his magic, he had Gwaine. The knight had taken his leave the next morning, as soon as he heard Merlin was gone. Arthur had suspected it might happen, but the blow still stung.

Guinevere stayed. She said someone had to take care of Gaius now. But she refused speak to him after that.

Nobody spoke to him really. He'd thought he was lonely before, with only Merlin treating him like a person, but it was even worse when the king he _was_ treated as was a tyrant, not a benevolent leader. The servants looked at him in fear. The knights held the same worry, following his commands with anxious fervour. His remaining inner circle just looked sad. Merlin had been their friend, too, Gaius a trusted colleague.

Arthur thought he ought to be angry about this. He wasn't his fault Merlin and Gaius had committed treason by practicing magic. He hadn't forced them to turn traitor. He hadn't made Merlin leave.

Given half a chance, he would beg him to come back.

But Merlin didn't want to come back. Arthur hopes in that regard were crushed the day he went to visit Gaius for his now nightly sleeping draught.

"Gaius?" No reply. The old man must have been out on rounds. Arthur went inside to wait. He knew where the bottles were and could have grabbed one himself, but seeing Gaius meant the slightest chance of news on Merlin. It hadn't happened yet, but he could dream.

A folded piece of parchment caught his eye. The scrawl on the front was in a familiar hand. With only the briefest flash of guilt Arthur snatched it up.

_Gaius,_

_I'm sorry it's been so long since I last wrote. There's been a lot going on. Morgana finally paid me that visit. She "heard what happened" and tracked me down to "pay her condolences." In other words, Gwaine won the bet: she tried to recruit me. Said Arthur would never change and wouldn't I love to be with people who accepted me for who I am? Of course, she wouldn't have made the offer if she herself knew who I was. Morgana even mentioned him, saying you obviously didn't trust me either, keeping his identity from me when he could have helped me._

_Please don't worry too much. I convinced her to leave me alone._

_I wish I had better luck with that with Gwaine. He still won't leave. It's nice to have him around, but it hurts, too. He's a constant reminder of what I've lost. He's still as stubborn as always though, no matter what I try. Maybe I can get him to visit you all someday and move while he's gone._

_Which I know is going to bring up the same question from you as always. My answer hasn't changed: I'm not coming back. I can't, Gaius. I'm sorry. Arthur can say he trusts me and won't arrest me and have me killed all he wants, but how I can believe him anymore? How can I not spend every day wondering if this will be the one he turns against me? I know you did it for years with Uther, but I'm not you. The instant Agravaine needs a scapegoat, I'm primed to take the fall. I can't live like that._

_Thank you for keeping silent with Arthur. I know this hasn't been easy on you, and I'm so sorry for that. You can tell him I'm safe. I saw him patrolling with the others last week (and had to deal with a wild boar before it got to them), so I know he is. I just wish Agravaine was gone so I'd be assured he was safe inside the castle, too._

_Look after him for me. And look after yourself. Morgana may go after you again, especially if she suspects you know about you-know-who._

_Merlin_

Arthur fought valiantly against the tears that sprang up in his eyes, knowing it was a losing battle. Merlin wasn't coming home. He didn't want to come home. Because of Arthur, because he didn't trust him.

It wasn't even a consolation that Merlin didn't want Gwaine around either, because without Gwaine, Merlin would be alone. And the one thing a person like Merlin should never be was alone.

If only Arthur knew where he was. He would drag Merlin back and tie him up in his chambers until he agreed to stay. Which would probably have the opposite effect, but he was getting desperate.

He was still holding the letter when Gaius came in. "Sire?" The tone was clipped, as it had been since Merlin left. Gaius may have stayed –_"This isn't the first time I have been nearly burnt at the stake for a crime I never committed."_– and attempted to convince Merlin to stay, but the loss of his ward had hit him hard.

It probably didn't help that Arthur was reading his mail.

"Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I'd say tell me where he is, but he doesn't want me to know that, does he?" Arthur shot back bitterly. All this time he'd imagined the silence was Gaius's choice, not Merlin's.

Gaius eased the letter out of his hands. "I'm sorry, sire, but yes, those are his wishes." His voice softened. "Give him time. He'll come ar–"

"It's been _three months!_" he cried. "How am I supposed to apologize if he won't talk to me? Won't even let me see him?" Arthur dropped his head in his hands. "He hates me, Gaius. My best friend hates me, and I can't even do anything to fix it."

Gaius sighed, putting a hand on his shoulder. "He doesn't hate you, Arthur. He wishes he did. But for all reasons you've given him over the years, Merlin could never bring himself to hate you. Therein lies the problem."

"What does that mean?" Arthur perked up slightly. If he knew the problem, he could solve it. Or at least try his hardest, and that had to count for something, right?

"All Merlin has ever wanted was to protect you. When he believed you wanted the same, he did so happily, and out of love instead of duty. Now he can't be sure where you stand. Merlin considers you a dear friend, and he has always been fiercely loyal to you. Even now, he won't let Gwaine or Gwen say a word against you. That you don't feel the same breaks his heart. So yes, it would be easier if he hated you. Then he wouldn't have to care what you think."

_He's my friend too. The greatest friend I ever had. _"What I think… I want him back. And that's all I'll ever think of him until he comes home."

"Then prove it."

* * *

Arthur had no idea how to go about that. Well, he had a few, but each was even harder to complete than the last. The truth was there were no easy solutions. If there were, Merlin would be back by now.

He started with the hardest, biggest gesture he could think of. It took Arthur a week, sometimes going days without sleep, but eventually he had a presentable bill to give to the council.

At the first protestations, Arthur held a up hand to silence them. "This is not a suggestion. I understand you have misgivings, but the time for fear is over. I have given you the framework. You _will_ make it happen. I expect to be able to sign this into law in five days, no more. If you cannot do so, I will find someone who will."

He didn't expect Gaius to give him a hug once word spread around, or Guinevere to suddenly start speaking to him again, but he had hoped for a bit less frost. Finally Guinevere granted him the tiniest of nods. Arthur counted it as a win.

Two weeks after the magic ban was repealed, however, and Merlin still hadn't returned.

Arthur told himself it was fine. Merlin was who-knew-where and hadn't heard yet. When he did he would come back.

Two more weeks and Arthur was growing nervous. Clearly Merlin was further away from civilization than he thought. Someone was just going to have to go tell him.

(He ignored the voice that said Gaius probably already had.)

Since nobody knew where they would have to go to find him –and those who knew weren't telling– Arthur was just going to have to get creative.

If the knight were surprised by the impromptu patrol, they didn't show it. Nor did they make any mention of the strange antics of their king. While the path they travelled was no different than normal, their –or at least Arthur's– habits were. He made no effort to keep quiet, trampling the undergrowth beneath his horse's hooves, shouting commands instead of using hand signals. When they stopped to camp for the night, he chose the most open, undefendable location possible.

Despite all of this, Arthur was getting more and more depressed as time went on and nothing happened. The only reward for his complete negligence was increasingly worried looks from his knights.

Finally, _finally_, he got what he wanted. The first bandit leapt from the trees, swinging at them madly. Arthur grinned like a loon as he casually sliced through their attackers. When a branch fell behind him knocking out a cowardly opponent who sought to stab him while his back was turned, he positively laughed. The moment the last of the outlaws was dispatched, Arthur began to twirl around excitedly, peering into the trees.

"Merlin? Merlin, where are you?"

There was the sound of rustling undergrowth in response. Arthur bounded through trees towards the source. He stopped dead when he found it.

Merlin knelt on the ground. He looked thinner than normal, though not alarmingly so. He had the same bags beneath his eyes that Arthur did. When his eyes connected with his king's, his entire body stiffened. He did not smile. He did not leap up and embrace him like Arthur had dreamed.

Maybe he had set the bar a little high.

Or it could be because the scene before him did not warrant smiling. Gwaine lay unconscious on the ground, a bloody wound on his head. From his position it looked like he'd been smashed against a tree.

"You'll need to get him back to Gaius," Merlin said flatly. "He'll live, but you can't be too careful with head injuries."

Percival and Leon came forward to scoop up their wayward companion, carrying back to where the horses waited. Elyan gave Merlin a nod, then followed to give the two some privacy.

"I was starting to wonder if you would ever show up, I mean it probably wasn't the best plan and certainly not the smartest, but you didn't really leave me with many options, but it's okay, it all turned out fine, and like you said, Gwaine will be okay; he's got a hard head, and I'm sure he's gotten worse during those bar fights of his. Gaius'll fix him right up, and speaking of Gaius he'll be so pleased you're back; I promise you can have a few days off to spend with him and Guinevere and whoever else you want, and–"

"Arthur."

His litany trailed off. Merlin still wasn't smiling, nor was he making any movement towards him.

But he wasn't exactly moving away either.

"Arthur, I'm not coming with you."

Arthur's own grin dropped off his face. "W-what do you mean you're not coming?"

"I mean, I'm not coming back to Camelot."

"You must not have heard the news: sorcery isn't illegal anymore. You can use all the magic you want and never have to worry about being killed. I mean, unless you do something bad with it, but Gaius swears you never have, so it's not like I'm worried."

"Yes, I heard the news."

"Alright then. So what's the problem?"

Merlin crossed his arms. "The problem _is_, you still don't get it."

"What do you mean? I did this for you, Merlin! I'm trying to show you that I trust magic! Is there some better way to do it?" Did Merlin want some kind of grand parade celebrating the act? Did he want Arthur to open a school for sorcery? He must know he need only ask at this point.

"It was never about trusting magic!" Merlin exploded. "It doesn't matter to me if you never trust magic! You can hate it for the rest of your life for all I care!"

Arthur threw his hands up in the air in defeat. "Then what? What is it you want?"

Merlin deflated rapidly. His answer was a bare murmur, though he never broke eye contact. "I want you to trust _me_, Arthur."

"I _do_ trust you."

Merlin snorted. "Right. You trust me to a point. You trust me to be a terrible servant. You trust me to put up with your abuse and never leave your side. You trust me not to try to kill you with my magic, though apparently that trust doesn't extend to Gaius, too. But one word from Agravaine and that trust? It goes out the window. His word will always trump everyone else's. I know he's the last connection you have to your mother, Arthur, but he's not her. He can't replace her. And what you can't seem to see is he doesn't want to. He's working for Morgana. I heard it straight from the witch's mouth. But we both know you're never going to believe that because he's your uncle and I'm just a servant. I'm sorry, I can't change the fact that we don't share blood. And I'm sorry for thinking even for a moment that that wouldn't matter."

Arthur just stood, stunned by the outburst. In a whisper he asked, "Does that mean you're never going to forgive me?"

Merlin sighed. "I've already _forgiven_ you, Arthur. I forgave you before you even did anything. That's my fault, not yours, and I'm sorry. But I can't do this anymore. Not until things change." He turned to leave.

"So what are you going to do now? Run away again now that Gwaine can't chase after you?"

"I'm not running away. I'm running in circles and waiting for you to catch up."


End file.
